Crouching Tiger, Hidden Thistle

S now hasn't seen her father for over a month. This is the longest she has ever gone without spending time with him. You would think that her father would find this upsetting and would be making more effort to see her, but... well, I didn't nickname him C for nothing. S went to her Dad's house to collect her things maybe 2 months ago now. J accompanied her for moral support and took a recording of the whole event, which picked up his treatment of them. I do find it interesting that he waited until his girlfriend wasn't in the room to voice his disapproval to them. I wonder if she had warned him against saying such things to a 12 year old, perhaps she isn't as toxic as I thought. If she did, he ignored it. He told them 'you don't treat family like this' and that he was disappointed in them both. This was because S had done to him exactly what he had encouraged her to do to me; cut him off and moved in with the other parent. It must have hurt him - it cert...

I've previously mentioned C's girlfriend. She's not really entirely relevant to be honest, she's just the narcissist's next supply. But... she's still a woman, and I am a feminist at heart. C and I had an incident years ago with a car dealer. C was sorting out a new car for me/the family and was making all the arrangements directly with the dealer. I wasn't entirely comfortable with being left out of the conversation, so I asked him to copy me in on the email chain, which he did. I scrolled back on the email chain and found a comment I really  didn't like from the dealer. He was discussing the car we had chosen, and remarked; 'that active park assist is superb (especially for a woman, lol)'. Now admittedly, this seems minor. It's even funny, in fact. But bollocks to that! We women have been putting up with this shit for a millennia; 'jokes' about how crap our driving is, or how we belong in a kitchen, or how we're only good for on...

There are so many things I would love to tell C. I've written and deleted a multitude of emails since our separation; written out of my own frustration, deleted from my realisation that he is simply incapable of accepting a view that doesn't mirror his own.  Over the years, our differences both grew and became more obvious, not to mention that they made us less and less compatible as time went on. I developed opinions and views that didn't match his. I don't think they ever did truly match his anyway, but being young, clueless and impressionable meant that there were so many topics I hadn't truly formed my own opinion on yet. As I matured and learned more about the world in general, I of course began making my own judgements and strengthening my own core values. I discovered that my core values were in fact almost the entire opposite of my husband's.  Take religion for example. Do I believe in God? Honestly, I don't think I do. I like to think there is some ...

 A subject that comes up a lot when you read about narcissist is that of 'flying monkeys'. Remember The Wizard of Oz? The flying monkeys were the minions of the Wicked Witch. They would do her dirty work without question, and clearly worshipped her. They probably weren't even aware of their position in their little hierarchy, or realised they were being used. The same applies to the narcissist's little group of adoring fans. These are people who - knowingly or unknowingly - do the dirty work for the narcissist. They believe the lies and the persona he or she offers them, and they act to defend their friend/sibling/parent etc. They become the bouncers for the narcissist, often joining in with hostility, intimidation, gaslighting and malicious gossiping towards the narcissist's victim.  To use a really extreme example; did you ever wonder how Jimmy Saville eluded justice for his deplorable crimes? There were some who outright knew what he was doing, but chose to ignor...