Crouching Tiger, Hidden Thistle

Tonight, 1 year after my separation, I participated in a course for domestic abuse survivors. I urge you - if you or anyone you know has been in an abusive relationship, please do look for support. Don't brush it off as 'not worth it' because the abuse wasn't physical. Emotional/psychological abuse needs healing too.  It took me a long time to see that my marriage was abusive. Sure, he became nasty after we separated; and it took a while to realise that even that was domestic abuse. It took even longer to recognise that it hadn't just been since the separation. In fact, abuse was a regular feature of my marriage, and I hadn't even realised. The whip struck me suddenly, when discussing my situation with a colleague who specialised in safeguarding. I was explaining the situation I was going through with my ex, and my worries about our children. I was looking for support for J in particular, and thought this colleague may have some insight. She was amazing, as all ...

 Soon after publishing my first ever blog entry, I received a message from an old friend.  'Did you really throw your kids' Dad out because he took coke? Is it that big an issue?' The answer is no. That's not why I threw him out. Coke probably isn't that big an issue, for those who do enjoy the odd line on a night out. It's not my thing and never has been, but I sure as hell won't judge anyone who does. As long as you aren't driving after it, or under the influence while looking after your kids, or otherwise putting other people at risk... not my business.  Why did I throw C out? Well, I would consider the cocaine the straw that broke the camel's back. I was unhappy in my marriage, but I also didn't want to be a divorced single mum. I was also very aware that if we separated, he would make life very difficult for me. Our daughter J was struggling with some other issues, and I didn't want her to link that with our separation and feel like she ...

 It has been a year since my separation.  I am a mother of two daughters. J is 15, and she is a challenge. J has struggled with her mental health since way before I made her father leave. S is 12 and the most easy-going child you could ever dream of. 2 children, entirely different personalities. They remind me of me and my older sister. We were raised in the same household, we had the same parents and the same other siblings; yet it would be difficult to find 2 sisters more unlikely to be sisters. Except for J and S. I'll tell you the story of my separation. My husband C and I were together for 16 years. It wasn't an easy 16 years, we had battled many problems. Bankruptcy, pregnancy loss, marriage counselling, sick family members... we had been through it all. It wasn't a great marriage, I knew that. I hadn't realised quite how toxic it was until I ended it. The last year has been as enlightening as it has stressful.  On the run-up to my husband's birthday, I had di...